Relationship Matters

Ep.16 Coaching Competencies: Revealing the system to itself

October 13, 2021 CRR Global Season 3 Episode 16
Relationship Matters
Ep.16 Coaching Competencies: Revealing the system to itself
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode, Master Coach  Maddie Weinreich is back on the show talking about two further coaching competencies she sees coaches struggling with the most: Revealing the system to itself and working with the emotional field. As well as being past director of faculty and leader development at CRR Global Maddie currently serves as a senior Front of the Room Leader for the ORSC Program and ORSC Certification. Over the course of the episode, Katie and Maddie discuss ways to reveal the system to itself, the power of revealing and how to work with the emotional field and ways to help your clients. If you haven't listened to part 1, we'd highly recommend checking out Coaching Competencies: Holding the system as client.

Maddie Weinreich specializes in strengthening the interpersonal relationships that exist within business environments for the purpose of enhancing team performance and productivity.  She coaches leadership teams around the globe to navigate change and to effectively improve organizational cultures within large and small businesses. Maddie currently serves as a senior Front of the Room Leader for the ORSC Program and ORSC Certification.  Maddie holds the Master Certified Coach (MCC) credential with the International Coaches Federation (ICF). She is a Certified Organization and Relationship Systems Coach (ORSCC), a Certified Team Performance Coach (CTPC), and a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC).  Maddie also provides mentoring services and consultation for professionals working in the field of relationship growth and development.


For over 18 years, CRR Global has accompanied leaders, teams, and practitioners on their journey to build stronger relationships by focusing on the relationship itself, not only the individuals occupying it. This leads to a community of changemakers around the world. Supported by a global network of Faculty and Partners, we connect, inspire, and equip change agents to shift systems, one relationship at a time

We believe Relationship Matters, from humanity to nature, to the larger whole.

Relationship Matters Season 3 Episode 16

 

Key 

 

KC – Katie Churchman 

MW - Maddie Weinreich

 

[Intro 00:00 – 00:06] 

 

KC – Hello and welcome back to the Relationship Matters podcast. We believe relationship matters from humanity, to nature, to the larger whole. I’m your host, Katie Churchman, and in this episode I’m delighted to welcome back Maddie Weinreich to the show to talk about two more of the coaching competencies she sees coaches struggling with the most – revealing the system to itself and working with the emotional field. As well as being past director of faculty and leader development at CRR Global, Maddie currently serves as senior front of the room leader for the ORSC program and ORSC certification. Over the course of this episode we discuss ways to reveal the system to itself, the power of revealing and how to work with the emotional field and ways to help your clients. So without further ado I bring you the brilliant Maddie Weinreich. 

 

KC – Welcome back Maddie to the Relationship Matters podcast, delighted to have you back on the show. 

 

MW – I’m thrilled to be here with you Katie today. 

 

KC – So today we’re diving into two more of the coaching competencies, revealing the system to itself and working with the emotional field. So I wonder, Maddie, why these two competencies?  

 

MW – Well I thought this would be a good dive into the competencies because this is a place where a lot of our students and practitioners struggle. It’s something that’s different then they have done as consultants or coaches, individual coaches, and it’s something that is really important for us to do as systems coaches. That we reveal the system to itself, that we show the system what’s happening and that we work with the emotional field. These are what makes us different than other kinds of coaches. 

 

KC – So, in terms of that revealing the system to itself, I think that’s probably a good place to start. The image that always comes to mind with this is a mirror, so are we kind of a mirror when we’re a coach or a leader, trying to hold this competency?

 

MW – Yes. That’s exactly what we are. I think of us as, if you go through the car wash and there’s that big, gigantic round mirror that helps you line up your tires, we’re like that big round mirror so you can line up your tires of your system and then go through the car wash with ease. So that’s how I see it, but we are the mirror and the reflection. When we reflect back to the system, what we see or sense or notice, it gives them the opportunity to make changes because, let’s say you’re putting your lipstick on and you’re looking in the mirror, you can see where to put the lipstick. But if you don’t have that image you’re just in the dark a little bit. So it gives them more information so they can make choices. And we hold the system as naturally intelligent, generative and creative, and by showing them what’s happening it can have a real impact on how they make choices and how they move forward and how they grow. 

 

KC – Ok, so it sounds kind of simple when we say it, oh just be a mirror. But I know from experience that this isn’t always easy to hold, this competency. So what are some of the challenges for new coaches when it comes to this competency? 

 

MW – It’s something we don’t usually say out loud. We may notice what’s happening but often we’ve been trained, as little kids even, don’t say that thing. Don’t tell that person they have food on their shirt. But here we want to say that so that’s part of what goes on and another challenge is that a lot of coaches, and consultants, think they’re there to fix or repair a system. And our job is not to fix, our job is really to reveal. And once we realize that the whole orientation of a coach can change, because then they’re looking at how can I tell them what I see, what I hear, what I sense, what I notice, rather than how can I try to fix them. So that’s the shift that a lot of coaches and ORSC systems oriented leaders need to make. 

 

KC – Yeah, I think we spoke about the bit with holding the system as client, holding the relationship as client, because something I struggle with is when clients come to me hoping that I’ll fix whatever issue they’ve got going on. With regards to this competency do you just keep revealing that back, revealing that back, revealing that back, so that they can learn from that pattern? 

 

MW – That’s right. Because we reveal back what are their challenges, what are their strengths, what do we notice about them, and then they get a better sense of who they are and how they’re showing up because in the relationship they don’t always have the perspective of looking at the relationship. Because they’re in it, which makes total sense. I was on a call yesterday with our certification supervisors and we meet once a month to upscale our training, and we were having a conversation about this particular competency and the many different ways of doing it and I thought that’d be really great to share with our listeners, especially those budding ORSC coaches or those in certification that struggle with this particular competency. 

 

KC – Yeah, absolutely.

 

MW – So, we came up with at least seven ways to reveal the system to itself. Now a lot of ORSC coaches, new ORSC coaches, aren’t even revealing the system to itself, and here we’ve got the many ways, there’s different layers on how to do it, so if it’s OK I’d love to just jump in and start to share some of those. 

 

KC – Yeah, I think I can only think of two so seven, please go ahead! 

 

MW – Seven plus, and this is ongoing. There are probably other ways, this might stimulate others with other ideas, so this isn’t the be all and the end all but this what generally helps coaches with this particular competency. So the first way is direct reflection. We hear somebody say something and we say it back to them. And this is what I hear you saying, this is what you said, those kinds of things. Now, that can be revolutionary for some system, to hear oh yeah, I did say that, oh, I didn’t realize that, so that can be revolutionary but it can also become tedious, if a coach does this too much, it can be like parroting. So I’m gonna offer all of these different ways and a good systems coach will do a nice variety of all these different ways of revealing the system to itself. But that’s the first simple way of revealing the system to itself, this is what I’m hearing, this is what I’m seeing. And then we can kind of build on that to add our observations. And I’ve mentioned a couple of times what we see, what we hear, what we feel, what we notice, what we sense. So this is more observing what we see or hear, we might notice gestures, people making gestures as they’re talking, their maybe signals that we pick up on and we simply reflect that. We notice that people are looking at the clock, for example, or we notice that there’s some foot tapping or pen tapping going on. We can also talk about what we notice in the emotional field and I’m going to go into that a little deeper because that’s its own competency, and we can take a deeper dive into that a little bit later. But reflecting and revealing the emotional field is a way to share what we’re observing as well. The coach also can notice what’s going on in the system and how is the system being in any given moment, so we might use a metaphor for that. It seems like you guys are like cats in a paper bag, trying to get out, something like that, and then you can play with the metaphor. But a metaphor is also a way to reveal the system to itself. We also use metaphors around weather, what’s the weather here, that comes a little more under reading the emotional field but it’s part of it as well. That’s one way, it’s what are we observing? What do we notice? And simply telling them what we hear, what we see, what we sense, what we feel, what we make up about how they’re being. And then another way is to simply synthesize what we hear them saying. So we hear them rattle off a bunch of things that are happening and we might kind of put it together in our own words, use some of their language to reflect it back, but we’ve synthesized, they might have talked, a few people may have talked in little pockets, and then we say well this is what it seems like is happening – is that right? And it doesn’t mean that we’re right when we reveal the system to itself but we simply put it out there and they might say no, it’s not that, it’s this. So we give them something to build off of. Other ways to reveal the system to itself are to ask questions, ask the system questions. Now this is where those juicy blank access questions from intelligence come in. What are you learning about this team? What’s new for you here? What’s here now? Those are blank access questions which in the team or the system/partnership, whatever, when they answer that questions they’re revealing the system to itself. Now say something, so we’ve asked a question which provokes them looking at themselves in a different way, so that’s super powerful and that’s very different from repeating back what we hear them saying or saying what we’re noticing, we’re asking them a question to see what gets revealed when we ask that question. Then., one of the best ways to reveal the system to itself, is to use an ORSC tool! We have, most of our ORSC tools are designed to reveal the system to itself. So when a system goes through a tool, whether it’s an informal constellation, a paper constellation, a toxin grid, lands work, all of these tools are designed to create a conversation in a different way than that system was having it before. And it reveals to the system what’s happening, like a deep democracy process. Put a system through that and see what gets revealed! So using an ORSC tool is usually a good way to access, to reveal the system to itself. How are we doing so far? 

 

KC – Yeah, it’s a lot, I’m trying to keep track! I didn’t realize quite how many ways there were how to be a mirror as a coach. 

 

MW – Right! Exactly! Another way is to acknowledge the system. To say this is a system that honors excellence, or this is a system that is challenged right now, or this is a relationship that’s suffering right now. So to simply acknowledge what’s happening, and it could be strengths of a system or challenges of a system, but acknowledging and championing will also work really well to reveal the system to itself. So those are some ways. And then as the system hears what’s happening or gets that reflection, they can then do something about it. They can make adjustments that they need to make or not. But it gives them other information from an outside source that helps them to see themselves even better. And then another way is to work with the emotional field which we’ll talk about in a couple minutes, but the golden rule of being a systems coach is revealing the system to itself. That is part of what sets us apart from other modalities. So as coaches learn to do this and open their mouth and spit it out, and say what they see and notice, the more it benefits other systems. If you just meet with a system for a couple of minutes and tell them what you know about them, they’ve usually never heard that before. So if you’re working with a partnership or a couple, for example if you’re working with a couple and you say I’ve noticed that there’s a kind of warmth between the two of you, they might look at each other and say yeah! There is! Or they might say no, it’s not that, it’s this. And say that it’s something else. But often we don’t get that reflection from outside which really helps us to see ourselves and to grow. 

 

KC – I just realized, when you were speaking there, it’s important that we add it’s revealing the system, as you’ve been saying, because I guess revealing is kind of traditional coaching but what sets ORSC apart, in a different way, is that it’s revealing the system so not focusing on one person or the other but seeing it as a part of that whole team, system, family, couple… whatever it may be. 

 

MW – Yeah. That’s such a good point Katie because each person has their own truth or their own experience that they bring forward, we want to listen to all the voices and then reflect back what we’re hearing. So it doesn’t invalidate the individual but we listen to the individual as a voice of the system. So there’s a part of your relationship that has this going on, and there’s another part of your relationship that has this going on, so there may be two different things going on but when we reveal it back we just say we hear a couple of voices in a system, some people want this, some people want that. Some people feel this way, some people feel that way. What is it like to hear that, what is it like to be on a team that has those different voices? Those might be some ways that we do it. So it isn’t that one is right and the other wrong, it all belongs to the system and our job is to simply reflect that back. 

 

KC – Yeah, I was just again thinking about a mirror, I was thinking about one of those fun houses with all those different mirrors and we’re not reflecting lots of different directions, we’ve just got one mirror and we’re reflecting straight back! 

 

MW – That’s right, and there may be a lot of things in that mirror going on, right, and that’s our job to say there’s a lot going on here. There’s confusion here. And what we reflect back doesn’t necessarily have to be positive, in fact it’s important that it’s whatever is happening in the system. So I’ll work with systems sometimes and I’ll come in and I’ll say, you know, it’s kind of flat among you and they’ll say yeah! That’s a good word! Or they’ll change the word, whatever it is, but it isn’t about us being positive, it’s about being whatever it is, it’s about being honest about what’s going on. And the individuals are important and they are a voice but they’re not the only voice. And that’s part of what we want to be sure to reveal back to them as well, so they can get a sense of who they are and how they’re being, their being and their doing. 

 

KC – If you’re working with an individual and working with them through a systems coaching lens, would you perhaps say something like a part of you is angry about this, it sounds, to honor they’re an individual system in themselves? 

 

MW – Oh that’s cool, absolutely. Yeah, if you’re working with an individual, yeah. In fact I did that recently with somebody who was dating someone and thinking about getting married and he said her family intimidates me, so I was like yeah I get that because it’s a big family and he’s not in a big family. And so, it sounds like actually there’s a part of you that’s intimidated by the size of her family, that’s a very different way of articulating it because if you say their family intimidates you, that makes you a victim of whatever is going on in that family. But there’s a part of me that feels intimidated by the size of that family, that gives you a little more agency, it gives you a little more locus of control in yourself about, you know, you could work with those feelings of fear or worry. About being swallowed up by a big family. That’s different to oh, that family’s intimidating, they’ve gotta change. It’s putting it over there. So I think that’s a really cool way to point that out. 

 

KC – Yeah, and it brings into play 2% truth, how each person in the system or each part of yourself is holding a bit of the truth, holding one square of that massive jigsaw puzzle that makes up that system. 

 

MW – Yeah. You got it. 

 

KC – So with regards to working with the emotional field, so how does this look when it comes to revealing the system, is it in essence revealing the system when we work with emotional field, the EF as well call it? 

 

MW – The EF, I love that short term. Absolutely. Reading the emotional field is a way to reveal the system to itself. Now, when we read the emotional field it’s about what’s happening right now, in this moment, in this system. Where revealing the system to itself could be generalization, could be the strengths of the system, the challenges of the system, how they’re showing up in different ways, acknowledgements and things like that, where reading the emotional field is what’s happening right now between them, among them, and that is a way to get present with the system, by reading the emotional field. Now this is something that we, as I said, we had a supervisor call the other day and when we were first becoming supervisors we were supervising ourselves because we were the first group to go through certification and we were supervising each other and this was the competency that we all struggled with. I think in my first supervision I got a 2. I didn’t even read the emotional field, I was so far off. So, I put out to all of our supervisors at the time how do you do that, how do you read the emotional field? And we collected 101 ways to read the emotional field and it’s in the resources of the fundamentals course, there are many, many ways to read the emotional field, it’s about what’s happening now. So, you could say what you notice, it seems that there’s tension on this team right now. And they might say yes or no but you’re noticing that. Or it seems like there’s some hostility between the two of you, or, it feels like there’s a kind of ease as you folks are talking right now. So, reading it and articulating what’s happening in the moment, I call it like a color commentary. It’s what’s happening in the moment as they’re having the conversation. So one way is to simply notice and put a word to it and put it out there to see if it lands, how that lands with them. And then we might ask about the emotional field. As you two are having this conversation what are you noticing between you or as this team is going through this exercise what’s happening among you right now? Or what’s here now could be a question that we ask about the emotional field. Another way we work with it is to use the weather report. If there is a weather report, the weather would describe how it feels on this team right now, how would you describe it? Is it stormy? Is it a tornado? Is it lightening? Did the sun just come out? And so we can use, that kind of a metaphor can be really helpful because it takes people to essence and helps them to describe what’s happening. Now there might be different things going on, so somebody might say I feel like the sun just came out, somebody might say well it feels stormy to me. And then we reveal the system to itself, well there’s sun and storm. What’s it like to be on a team that has all of that going on at once? So it isn’t like one way is the right way, but it’s really about getting super present to this moment. 

 

KC – That’s such a good point about how revealing the system to itself sort of takes into account part of the present and future. You might say over the course of these six sessions I’ve noticed a pattern about the way you communicate, whereas if you say working with the emotional field is right here, right now. And it kind of feels like a meditation in a way because you’re so tuned in and present with that field. It is subtly different in terms of what kind of information it’s offering. 

 

MW – Right. Because whatever’s happening in this moment happens in that system… 

 

KC – Yes. 

 

MW – So it’s like, when you do yoga, whatever’s happening on the yoga mat is what’s happening in your life, it’s the same kind of thing. Whatever’s happening in the emotional field in this moment also happens in that system at other times, so by revealing it or working with it – now, here’s the thing about the emotional field, most of us think, we grew up thinking that was impolite to talk about that. We’ve noticed emotional fields all our lives, we’ve gone into board rooms where it’s felt really tense and you’ve felt really choked up but you just maybe quietly took your seat and made some notes. And here we’re going to speak about it. Aw, I feel like I could cut the tension with a knife in here. And that’s different, so that’s where I think a lot of coaches struggle, is to articulate the emotional field, to say it out loud. They may notice things are happening but they don’t know how to say it or when to say it or is that rude or am I intruding in some way? But as the systems coaches it really is our job to do that, so that’s often a big stretch and a big edge for a newer ORSC coaches, and even experienced ORSC coaches, to go into that. Because there could be, there could be a lot of intimacy. Let’s say you’re working with a couple and it gets very intimate, and let’s say you’re somebody who’s not really comfortable with intimacy, to speak that could be difficult. Or if there is a lot of anger or hostility or tension or a lot of conflict happening in a system. If you’re conflict avoidant it’s going to be hard for you to talk about that as a coach. It’s gonna be hard for you to find the words because you might be a little bit deer in the headlights. You might, you know, you could get a little bit triggered by hearing people yelling at each other or using toxins, but it’s actually our job to say hey, it feels like it’s getting toxic right now. Or it’s getting heated. Or you guys are triggering each other right now. Or it just seems like there’s a lot of upset, there’s a lot of anger in this space. Those things can be challenging for younger, newer coaches to articulate and then work with. 

 

KC – You’re making me realize, yesterday I was running a whole day training and I sensed that there was a lack of energy, a lack of drive compared to other sessions. And I didn’t mention it and I think in part I was sort of aware of does that reflect back on me as a coach and, you know, the contract in place. And so now I sort of reflect and thinking gosh, I wasn’t serving the client by saying that but at the same time there is that sort of conflict of interest in terms of you still want that job! It’s so tricky!

 

MW – Yeah, you’ve gotta set yourself up to be weird by saying those things! Because when we step over it it’s still there, it’s still in the space. And it could be a parallel process, they may step over those things also, that might be part of the pattern on the team and by being able to articulate it, getting our guts up to be able to say it, then it’s out in the open, it’s there anyway, that lack of energy is there whether they’re aware of it or not. Once it’s articulated it’s on the table, oh, lack of energy, what’s that like for us? How do we do that? Do we wanna keep doing that? Do we want to do something else? It opens up like a portal into a whole new way of looking at what’s going on in the systems. And here’s the thing, if we miss it the first time or the second time and we notice it in reflecting afterwards, like you’re saying, you’ll have other opportunities, if you go back and work with that team again or work with another team, you’ll notice that and you’ll have an opportunity to say it again. Because if it’s happening in a system it’ll probably happen again, so don’t worry if you miss it the first couple of times because usually it’s a repeating signal and you’ll be able to work with it again. Sometimes you can think about how would I say that to them and get your vocabulary organized for how you want to speak to them about it. 

 

KC – That’s a really good point about how it’s probably happening at other systems too and it makes me think about the wide emotional field, and right now I’m sensing tiredness in the world. 

 

MW – Absolutely.

 

KC – And so I wonder how that informs how we work with the emotional field, thinking about that bigger context? 

 

MW – Well, I think part of it can be normalizing. It makes so much sense that you would be tired, that you would be exhausted as a system because of what we’ve all been through. So how do you want to be with that? We can ask that question. Or, how is it for you to be that tired? Many of us are depleted from having this pandemic, really for a year and a half we’ve been in a whole different zone, someplace none of us have even been before, so that’s it too, nobody knows better than you do, we have to figure this out together. So I think that naming it, though, and normalizing it, saying so how is it for you to be with that? Do you wanna do anything about it? Those are good questions to ask. 

 

KC – Yeah, I think naming is very powerful for good and for bad sometimes. But, as you say, quite often we know these things instinctively and so many times I’ve been terrified about saying something about the emotional field and yet everyone says oh yeah, I’m feeling that awkwardness too and there’s a surrounding nod going on and you’re just like of course, we all knew this, because we have this intelligence that we all block out and just don’t tap into. 

 

MW – And that surrounding nod can be very unifying for a system. So you start a meeting and you ask about what’s going on with people, what do you notice among you, how did you get here, and just like you said, someone will say something and you’ll start to see some nods and someone will say something else, you’ll start to see some nods, it’s a way to start to create that sense of we. And the sense of we might not be that we all feel the same way, but we all have feelings! We all have things going on and some people feel this and some people feel that. And when it gets articulated, what I notice when I work with systems is it helps people to get present to this moment. Then they’re awake, then they’re like oh, someone said something that I’m feeling, yeah, I’m there too! So it helps with engagement I find, as well. 

 

KC – I’m wondering, with the systems where the idea of emotions in the workplace is a big edge to cross, how do you start working with the emotional field in a way that doesn’t push them straight into a realm? Push them right over the edge and they’re stuck? 

 

MW – That’s a really good question. And I have to think about that for a moment. I might use the phrase what’s it like, rather than how do you feel. So, what’s it like on this team? I’d use the weather, if there was a weather metaphor, what would the weather be on this team? Sometimes I might say if your team was a dessert what kind of dessert would it be and why. Or an appetizer! And sometimes that going to metaphor can help to move them into that range in the beginning. So I don’t really use the F word… feel. I usually say what’s it like for you or what’s your experience, and they might not give a feeling word, or if this team is a color what color is it today? And why? Those are ways to access the emotional field, through essence, through metaphor. 

 

KC – I’m wondering, Maddie, what’s the power of living, leading and coaching from both these competencies. Revealing the system and working with the emotional field? 

 

MW – This is what makes us systems coaches and this is what has us stand out as ORSC coaches. And this is what gives the power over to the system which is what we’re doing, we’re coaches and we’re looking to empower the system and by giving them this information about revealing the system or the emotional field and reflecting that back to them, it empowers them to make choices and when we hold these with the other competencies, hold the system intelligent, generative and creative, and hold the system as the client, that’s what we’re doing, we’re setting this up so that they can become empowered, so we can become obsolete, so they won’t need us, so they can make choices to be conscious and intentional about how they move forward. So I find it very empowering to do this even though it might be edgy for us as coaches, to reveal the system or to articulate the emotional field, it might be edgy, it’s in service of that system becoming more empowered. 

 

KC – Is it something you use outside of coaching as well in your life? 

 

MW – Oh gosh, yes. Oh my gosh. Oh yeah, so with my husband for sure I use it. So I might say something like oh, this conversation is getting a little bit scary now. Or it feels tense between us or I might say this is a high dream moment, it feels like we’re connecting right now. So I do use it, lightly! Light touch. Not too much, they don’t want us to do that coaching thing at home! But I’ll sprinkle it in sometimes. It’s a way to give an acknowledgment too, it’s a way to acknowledge when things are going well, it’s always important, we’re always as systems coaches going for increasing positivity, decreasing negativity, we go for that 5 to 1 ratio that Gottman talked about. And so it’s a way to enhance that. To articulate when things are going well, rather than just step over it which often people do, we just talk about the complaints and hear about that but to actually articulate positivity, positive emotional fields, revealing when things are going well, talking about strengths, that’s important so that it’s in balance with the things that are challenging that we’re working on. 

 

KC – Yeah, and I’m thinking with your example about your husband, it’s very much revealing the system to itself and there’s something powerful about really seeing others, whether it’s your partner, your children, your friends, or strangers! Really seeing someone can be a very powerful place to live from. 

 

MW – Absolutely. And we can practice reading emotional fields by watching TV or being in a restaurant and noticing a couple and seeing if they’re being intimate or if they’re fighting and things like that, so you can start to do that in your life to build that skill. 

 

KC – Thank you so much Maddie for this wonderful conversation, such a useful conversation, I’m definitely going to go and start watching or rewatching all of Friends and read the emotional field on there, I’m sure there’s tons. 

 

MW – That’s a good one to read! That’s been great. Katie thank you so much for having me back, it’s been fun talking to you about this. 

 

KC – Thank you Maddie, take care. 

 

[Music outro begins 30:16] 

 

KC – Thanks to Maddie for the tips and tricks on revealing the system to itself and working with the emotional field. My key takeaways are as follows. Revealing the system is what sets systems coaching apart from other modalities. It can be challenging to do because a lot of coaches and consultants think they’re there to fix or repair a system. Our job is not to fix a system but to reveal it to itself. Once we realize that our whole orientation as a coach can change. We start to orientate towards systems inspired leadership. Here are some different ways coaches can start to reveal the system to itself. A good coach will do a variety of these as opposed to focusing on just one approach. Firstly, direct reflection. You hear someone say something and then say it back to them. This is what you said. It can be revolutionary for some systems to hear themselves. Observation. What we see, what we hear, what we notice, what we sense. Metaphor. The coach can use metaphor to reveal what they’re sensing in the system, for example the weather feels heavy in here today. Synthesize what they say. Pull it together using some of their own words and then reflect back. This is what it seems like is happening, am I right? Offer the check in at the end to give them something to build off. Ask questions. What are you learning, what’s new for you here, what’s here now? When the system answers these questions they will themselves be revealing the system to itself. Use an ORSC tool. Most of the tools are designed to create a different kind of conversation and as a result reveal the system to itself. Acknowledge the system. This is a system that honors excellence, this is a system that’s suffering, this information helps them to see themselves more clearly. It’s important to note that when we reflect it doesn’t have to be positive, it’s about being honest about what’s going on. Work with the emotional feel. This is about reading what’s happening in the system right now, in the present moment. There are many ways to read the emotional field and one of the easiest ways is to say what you notice. I’m sensing some tension. It’s what’s happening in the moment as they’re having the conversation. You might also ask the system to think about what they’re noticing about the emotional field, what’s here now between the two of you? To find out more about Maddie’s work do check out CRRGlobal.com. For over 18 years, CRR Global has accompanied leaders, teams, and practitioners on their journey to build stronger relationships by focusing on the relationship itself, not only the individuals occupying it. This leads to a community of changemakers around the world. Supported by a global network of Faculty and Partners, we connect, inspire, and equip change agents to shift systems, one relationship at a time. We believe Relationship Matters from humanity to nature to the larger whole. 

 

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